she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
