Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
