I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
