You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
