I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
