Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
