Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
