My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
