problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
