dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
