I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize