remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
