Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
