What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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