You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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