Kiss
Puke
I'm lost and stupid without you.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
