So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
