did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
