Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
