Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
