OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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