I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
