I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
