Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
