whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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