they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
