I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
