If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
