So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
