Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
