You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My life is pants optional.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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