I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
