I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
