Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
this is an emotional support booty call
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
