I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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