I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
