I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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