How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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