I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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