why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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