you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Text me some of your sweat
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