Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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