I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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