If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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