you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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