i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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