What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
