don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
