I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
