He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
