Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
