It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
