it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
