I think im going to throw up on grandma
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
