so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The uberlube is also flammable
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
