My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
