You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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