wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
