Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
