just come out here and I will go home with you...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
