I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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