I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
