We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
