Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
