at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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