I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
