also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We talked him into tasing himself.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
