He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
