she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize