I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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