the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
