so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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