she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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