I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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