dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
