Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
