Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
