so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My pussy is not your playground.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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