That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
