So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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