I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There's always time for handjobs
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
