Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize