I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
did i just pee glitter
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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