turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
