I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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