Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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