he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
