I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
