I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
