too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
