Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
