even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize