I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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