This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
