FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
