I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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