Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
