Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just want to make out with him forever
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
