She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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