I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
