I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
