New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
